My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support. :)
Dark humour : hell!!! Aren't people racist!!!
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan?
It's not like they can tell their parents.
