My aunt worked as a human cannon ball
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired
A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!" The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any- let's just say I list my job as a bud driver
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher. Its [SODAPRESSING]
I want a job cleaning mirrors, I could really see myself doing it 🤨
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her but on the cliff, so I pushed her over because i lost my balance
I quit my job at the bank today I lost interest.
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
Why didnt the sun get a job,,,, seriously I have no idea why help me
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest it’s got its ups and downs
I got a job at the can factory but it is soda-pressing
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Today; Worst day ever
My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
what do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
showing them the ropes.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
