Employee jokes
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.