Emotion jokes

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

Don’t cut yourself up about it.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

The cucumber goes to different places.

Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.

Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees. Even got her name on 'em. I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back. Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em. Up and down the boulevard. In and out of every bar. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer. The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year. It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights. Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.

My depression is depressed.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.