Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?
"Sari."
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
