Education Jokes

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.

Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?

Be there or B2.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"