Education jokes

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.

Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.

Teacher: This assignment is big.

Student (male): I have something that's big.

Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.

How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

What is a pedophile's favorite age range?

9-11.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?

Quiet kids.