Education jokes
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
Why does the emo kid skip class?
Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?
Because he's a cheetah!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Orphan: My parents.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1: Did you bring Uranus?
Kid 2: Never leave home without it.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?
Because they couldn’t call his parents!
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Why was 6 scared?
Because 7 8 9.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
Why was the math book sad at the rapper?
Because it knew it couldn't count on his bars.
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
Hi 👋 magic school 🏫.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.