Education jokes

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Teacher: This assignment is big.

Student (male): I have something that's big.

Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.

Why did the girl study in the tree? She wanted a higher education.

How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?

The class divides.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...