Education jokes

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.

Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.

"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.