Education jokes

I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?

Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.

Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

How does a disabled kid walk to school?

He wishes he had the facilities to.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?

Student: Apple!

Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?

Student:....Bitch...

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.