Education jokes

Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?

Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.

Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

How does a disabled kid walk to school?

He wishes he had the facilities to.

Maths...

....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.