A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
Johnny eats a lot of ham, so he catches lots of spam.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?
A: Because it tasted like shit.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
