Eating jokes

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

[being buried alive]

Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

"Curry muncher!"

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

What does Mars like to eat?

A Mars bar!

Daveon be eating Quaker Oats.

Why is every number scared of 7?

Because 7 "ate" 9.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

What’s one food orphans can eat?

Homemade.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.