Eating jokes

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

"Knuckle babies" don't eat.

What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.

What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?

Spit, spit, spit!

Why can't people eat pizza? Because they will be unavailable.

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

What is the best time to eat dinner?

When you're hungry.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.

What happens when you eat a cat?

I love to eat cats for dinner!

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!

Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?

Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽

Daveon be eating Quaker Oats.

This joke is so corny I could eat it off the cob.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"