Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
Eating Jokes
Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
