Eating jokes
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?
Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.
It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
Have you heard of Wendy's?
Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Why did the student cannibal rush to the cafeteria?
He wanted to eat ahead of the others.
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me later!"
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.