Eating jokes

Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Why did the Roman not eat BBQ chicken?

Because he "wasn't a veggatarian."

What kind of fish do people eat?

Deep-fried fish.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

What is a cannibal's favorite vegetable?

- Ladies' Finger

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.

Emos are so predictable: sleep, eat, cut, repeat.

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?