Eating jokes
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
How do people eat bread?
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
Why did the Twin Towers order from Just Eat?
They wanted some plane fries.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.