Eating jokes

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.

Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?

The orphanage.

Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.