Whats the difference between apples and dead babies? I don’t ejaculate on apples before i eat them

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism

Why was the astronaut 👩‍🚀 washing her hands?

She was getting ready to eat launch 🚀🥪.

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? – They’re always eating out.

… and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. the first cannibal says “you start at the bottom I start at the top” so they both chow down. about half an hour later, the second cannibal says “i’m having a ball” then than the the first cannibal says “than you’re eating too fast”

What do vegetarian zombies eat? – Graaaaiins.

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself

What’s worse than a dead baby?- A pile of dead babies- whats worse than that? -The one on the bottom is alive.- And whats worst than that is, the baby has to eat it’s way out

What type of jam can you not eat? Traffic jam

Why won’t my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.

Why didn’t the moon eat dinner?

Because it was full! 🌕

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!!

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