Eating jokes

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

What kind of bees eat brains?

Zombees.

That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...

Amber Heard's Morning Routine

Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

Why can't Asians play cricket? They'll eat the bat.

What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?

Five Guys.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.