Drug jokes

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.

Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?

Because it was on crack.

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

Where are crackheads from?

OHIGHo

Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Why didn't the child go to school?

Because he died of a heroin overdose.

If George Floyd was in the new Little Mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs I took plenty Now I can’t breathe

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?

So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.

What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up? His heroin balloon.

Grass for lash.