Drug jokes

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

Where are crackheads from?

OHIGHo

Why didn't the child go to school?

Because he died of a heroin overdose.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!

khi beats his meat to weed- germiah.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Grass for lash.

Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?

So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.

What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.

If George Floyd was in the new little mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs i took plenty Now i can’t breathe

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!