Drug jokes
What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?
(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
Where are crackheads from?
OHIGHo
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
khi beats his meat to weed- germiah.
What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Grass for lash.
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.
Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."
Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.