Drive jokes

You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

A: Because she's a woman.

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?

The Beetle!

What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?

"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?

Don’t worry, he didn’t either.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Why did the little boy get hit by a car?

Answer: Because Sally was driving!

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.

I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.

What do you call a man who loves Adidas and Puma and drives a Volkswagen? Potential Nazi.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.