Drive jokes

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.

He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

A: Because she's a woman.

Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?

Don’t worry, he didn’t either.

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?

"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?

The Beetle!

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

Why was the computer late to work?

Because it had a hard drive!

A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.

If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

What do you call a man who loves Adidas and Puma and drives a Volkswagen? Potential Nazi.