Drive jokes
What is a good night's sleep?
"Good night night love ❤️"
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
What is your car you cannot drive? A super flying car!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
What do you call a school bus that you cannot drive?
A friend.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What does Mickey's wife drive?
A Minnie-Van!
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."