Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Why is the rum gone?
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
