A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
What is a duck's favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
Teacher, there is 3 birds 1 gets shot how many are left.
Student, non they flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, acautly 2 but i like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there is 3 women eating ice cream 1 licking it 1 drinking it melted and 1 sucking it which one is married.
Teacher,the one sucking it?
Student, no the one with the ring but i like the way you think.
