Drink jokes
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.
Q: What’s Jackie Chan‘s favorite drink to have at a bar?
A: Wo-Tah!
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.