Drink jokes

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

What do you call a black person having a fit?

A chocolate milkshake.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".

What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Why do orphans like water?

Cuz they drink it ;)

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

What do superheroes put in their drinks?

Just ice.

What do dogs drink? Pupsi.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

A man walks into a bar.

Ouch!

Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?

A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!

How do you call Doom guy that drinks Monster Zero? Boom guy!

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.