Dream jokes

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.