Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”
One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
You dream in 4K.
Don't give up on your dreams...
Keep sleeping.
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
