Dream jokes
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."
"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”
One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
You dream in 4K.