Downing jokes

What goes up and down and does not move?

Stairs.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?

A. They always seem to punch down.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Yo mamma so fat, when she tried to sit down the chair ran away.

Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

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