Downing jokes

Pee

    • Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.

    Hail

    • A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

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    • Downing memes

    Priest

    • A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

    The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

    The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

    The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

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    • Asian

    • How do Asians name their kids?

    They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

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    • Gambler

    • The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."

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    • Disease

    • A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

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    • Prank

    • I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

    The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

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    • Marijuana

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

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    • Member

    • In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

    One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

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