Downing jokes
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
Why can't 12 boys go down the elevator? Because they have nothing to press the buttons.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
Better to drink until you wave it off than to wave it down.
Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?
Because she wanted to join the Brownies.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
Spongebob's teeth upside down is the twin towers.
Spongebob: 9 letters
Squarepants: 11 letters
Spongebob did 9/11.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.