Downing jokes

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

What do you call it when Panera Bread shuts down?

Panera is dead.

What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!

What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.

If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?

(Stupid People)

What did the mongol say to his dog?

Down syndrome!

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

The pilot goes "We're going down!"

The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

Q: What's the best part about gardening?

A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What did Katie say when her house burnt down?

"HOLY SMOKES!"

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

Call me an elevator, because I let people down.