DoS jokes

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

Society: :-)

I: :')

Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')

I: :'D

What do you call a joke without a punchline?

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?

Finish a race.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.