If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What do you call a white man surrounded by black men? Coach.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
