DoS jokes
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Memes
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
Why do trees never call emo kids?
The emos always hang up on them.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What do you call a white man surrounded by black men? Coach.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!