DoS jokes
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Just do it.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?
Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.