DoS jokes
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
What shows do orphans dream of?
Full House or Fuller House.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
A Russian, a Cuban, and an Englishman are on a ship. The Russian takes a swig of vodka and throws the bottle overboard. The Cuban and Englishman with astonishment say to the Russian, "What did you do that for?"
The Russian says, "In Russia, we got an unlimited supply of vodka."
A little while later, the Cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff, and throws it overboard. The Cuban says, "We got an unlimited supply of Cuban Cigars in Cuba."
Then the Englishman grabs a Paki and throws him overboard...
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.