Dont jokes
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.
Prince, don't die! Just don't! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasse!
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
Why do orphans want parents? Because they don't want to be left out.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Yo mama's cheeks are red, I don't know why.
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
Why don't you wanna taco 'bout it? Cause it's nacho problem!
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.