Dont jokes
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
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I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
I would make a clock joke, but I don't have time.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"