Dont jokes
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
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I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.