Dog jokes
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"