Dog jokes

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?

Durrrrrrrr.

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?

A god.

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

What is a dog that you can drive?

A big doggy car.

Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

A dog gets adopted.

Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?

Neither has she.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?

A: Because it tasted like shit.

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:

Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.

(I would never do that though I love puppies)

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.