Doesnt jokes
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What do you call an Indian that doesn’t smell?
Asif
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
What sucks but doesn't suck? Vacuums!
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?
Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Your mom is so fat that she doesn't need WiFi because she is worldwide.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.
North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"