Doesnt jokes
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?
Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.
Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!
Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.
Gina: Do you know my sister's name?
Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.
Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
Why was the first orphan phone an iPhone X?
Because it doesn't have a home button.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
His hairline doing the moonwalk. Oh, I forgot, he doesn’t even have a hairline.