DOE jokes
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
Why does Michael Jackson like to play golf?
He likes to hit small white balls.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys?
Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.
Memes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.