DOE jokes
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?
Because homing missiles don't work on them.
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?
A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.
What do you call a horse that does karate?
A horse.
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."