Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
DOE Jokes
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
