DOE jokes
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why does the Democratic party want the Republican party to breed rabbits?
Because Democrats are tired of paying for raisins at the grocery store.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.