DOE jokes
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.