DOE jokes

Why does Michael Jackson like to play golf?

He likes to hit small white balls.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Mi-hee-lk.

Why does Darth Vader always choke people?

Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.

What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?

'Cause there are twenty of them.

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys?

Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

Bully: "You are so stupid!"

Classmate: does nothing.

Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.

Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?

What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.