DOE jokes
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Memes
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."