DOE jokes
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?
CONSPIRACY!!!
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.