DOE jokes
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 💶 💶 💸 💶 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰💰 👍 👍 👌 👌 😍 😍✌️✌️ 🌭 🍌 🕳
👨 👨 What does the initials GOP stand for?
👬 Gay man On Penis.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
What does Mars like to eat?
A Mars bar!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What does an orphan call home?
Nothing. 🤣
What type of bird does not have feathers on itself?
A bald eagle.
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.