DOE jokes
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?
"Hey, why so cereal?"
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
When a sign says "Do Not Walk on the Grass," it does not apply to Stephen Hawking.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!