DOE jokes
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One, if you throw it hard enough.
Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"