DOE jokes
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
How many white women does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. To hire the Mexicans.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Little Johnny fucked a girl, ran away, fucked another, ran, went to the strip club, got a private dance, he has sex with them, fucking ran, yelled to some random bitch ass guy, "Fuck him, he's a bitch." He bends down, they have sex on the street, they go home, have sex, little Johnny wakes up, questions himself, fucking does it again. He goes to the strip club, fucks some more people, when he is drunk, questions himself some more, then tries phone sex, but his dick is too small.
Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.
Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...
Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lipstick!
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?
Home buttons.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"
The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"
And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"
The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"
Johnny replied with, "OK."
Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"