How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"