DOE jokes
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
What does Ben 10 call his wife?
Humungouswhore
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What does an Arab prostitute say?
"Bomb my pussy!"