What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
DOE Jokes
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What does BLM stand for?
Black Lust Matters.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Where does a black Eskimo live?
In a Nigglu.
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
