DOE jokes

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?

4

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

What does an Arab prostitute say?

"Bomb my pussy!"

Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.

Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.

1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?

2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

What does the "W" stand for in Africa?

Water.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

What does my uncle call a school?

A strip club.

I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.

Now for my joke...

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he never lands.