DOE jokes
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4