DOE jokes

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

What does the "W" stand for in Africa?

Water.

What does my uncle call a school?

A strip club.

I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.

Now for my joke...

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he never lands.

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?

How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!

Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.

How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.

What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...

We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...