A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
So I ran into my Specialist Doctor and he said "pick a star sign, any star sign" so I said "Capricorn " and he said "nah you got cancer".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A Fizzician.
Why can't people in africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach
my doctor said i need to lose calories, so i got a piece of paper, wrote calories and lit it on fire.
man: hi doc, i have a problem. i take a shit at 6:00am every morning. doc: whats wrong with that. man: i dont wake up until 8:00am
Sally had (69) boobs witch was (2,2,2) many (69222)so she went to the doctor on (51)st street ( 6922251) whom gave her pills she took (x8) times a day and now she is boobless
my back is straighter than i am and i literally have scoliosis
What do you call a doctor in panera bread
panera med
What breakdancing ,twitching and noisy?
A child with epilepsy
How does a woman scare a gynecologist
By becoming ventriloquist
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I I have sex my eyes hurt. He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver driver have in common? Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box
