Disease jokes
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
What was the winning play at the leper football game? A hand off up the middle.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."