Disease jokes
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."
Read this and you're gay.
Depression has been entered into your body.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.