Disease jokes
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
What was wrong with Stephen Hawking? His legs.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
Cancer doesn't leave.
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.