Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
