Discomfort jokes

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.

What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?

A mega-sore-ass.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

Me: I broke me bum.

Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.