Disability jokes
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
Helen Keller, more like hell 'n killer.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Oh, wait.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there were stairs.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?
Artistic.
It’s so sad because Stephen Hawking can’t even stand up for himself after all these mean jokes.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.