Disability jokes
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.
Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
Helen Keller, more like hell 'n killer.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Oh, wait.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there were stairs.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.