Disability jokes

How do you punish a blind kid?

Rearrange the furniture.

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?

She moans with her right.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.

Why can't blind people fish?

Because it was "see food."

Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?

Because he couldn't do standup.

Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?

Her dog was blind, too.

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."