Disability jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.
How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.