I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Disability Jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Armless child: Can you give me a hand??
Me: Ok.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
Who is Helen Keller?
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?
To sing.
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
