Disability jokes

Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.

Why can't blind people fish?

Because it was "see food."

Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?

Because he couldn't do standup.

Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?

Her dog was blind, too.

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Stephen Hawking was incredible at poker, he had no tell whatsoever.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?

The wheelchair.

What is the definition of Endless Love?

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis!

Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

How do you punish a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.